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June 19, 2006

What a way to start Monday morning


Dear Nameless Corporation,

Imagine my surprise this morning when I arrived to see signs asking that all employees enter via the main lobby. At first, I thought you might have a good reason for this. Maybe the door I usually use was broken, or the security guard was out sick, or the lobby was flooded, or something. But no, the nice man blocking my way assured me. Everyone had to go in the front door because it's the last two weeks of the quarter and they're doing "special stuff" to encourage us. Great.

So I walk around the building to the front and find more or less what I'd expected: music playing, t-shirts, coffee and doughnuts. I especially liked how you had people by that door making sure that no one was allowed to ignore the bruhaha. I'm not entirely clear about why this was supposed to make the company sell more products, but I'm sure you read some book telling you that the way of the mongoose was to give its employees shirts and doughnuts to sell more computers.

I'm not sure you really realize this, but the end of the quarter has virtually no impact on my job whatsoever. I just come in and do my work, regardless of the day or month. It is, though, slightly helpful to know it's the end of the quarter so that I understand why all of you are so stressed and therefore feel the need to be rude to me when you're asking me for help. (Although you might want to think about that for a minute. Why do you think that telling me I'm stupid will make me want to help you?) But since the end of the quarter has no real affect on my job, I think I would be of more help to the company if you let me just go inside and work.

Not a Salesperson

P.S. I don't want to sound ungrateful, so thanks for the t-shirt. I probably won't be wearing it to work, though, because it doesn't quite fit in your dress code, you know. Just saying.

Posted by Kat at June 19, 2006 10:08 AM

Enjoy the doughnut anyway!

Posted by: trek at June 19, 2006 11:03 AM

They had doughnuts? I didn't get one. Trust me, even for us salesmonkeys, it's frustrating. Drop in on one of our "all-on-board" meetings. They can take up to an hour. "We're gonna keep you from your work while we tell you to work harder! Sell sell sell!"

On the upside, I think my t-shirt will make a good cat bed...

Posted by: Ali B. at June 19, 2006 12:34 PM

that really isnt fair. i want donuts. i want to come to work with you.

Posted by: aisling at June 19, 2006 01:29 PM

It's the same all over, isn't it? Alas...

Posted by: Chris at June 19, 2006 10:37 PM

Just keep this in mind, Kat-the morning they shepherd you all through the front door and you discover they're serving "kool-aid" with the donuts, run before the shooting starts. : )

Posted by: Erica at June 21, 2006 12:09 PM
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