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October 12, 2005

Well, this is fun.

...and a side of existential angst. , Breaking up is hard to do. , No, actually, I am not okay. , Sanity is overrated. , The halls of academia

Apparently the "Aaaaaah"ness of the previous entry led to a total meltdown in the car on the way from work to class. (It's about an hour drive, NH to Boston.) I spent the time alternating between fighting tears, wondering if I've finally just gone mad, and debating whether to just turn around and go home. Yeah, fun stuff. Now I'm in the computer lab at school getting ready to face a three-hour class. And then the drive home.

If I didn't actually have stuff that needed to get done at work (for once), I would be seriously considering a mental health day tomorrow. Ah well. I'd also sort of like a hug... but there's really no one around to get one from. I'm not comfortable hugging people I don't feel I know very well, but most of my friends in NH are not huggy types, so it's a problem.

Aaaah. It's one of those days when I feel like I'm too messed up or damaged to ever have a "normal" life and I don't deserve one anyway. And I don't know what I want. In practically any context. And I don't know how I'm going to face three hours of sitting through class and the requisite small talk with classmates, and then walking to the T in the rain and then taking the T and then driving home. And my brain won't stop and I'm just driving myself crazy at this point.

I'm trying to convince myself that this is all fairly normal post-breakup stuff... right? Help!

Posted by Kat at October 12, 2005 05:40 PM

Great big virtual huts, Kat, and real ones anytime you need them.

I wish I could offer any comfort based on experience, but I really never had a relationship until I met Gryphon. I was 32 by then.

Drop me a note anytime you want a sympathetic ear. You know where to reach me.

Posted by: Folkcat at October 12, 2005 06:41 PM

It will get better. And if you let yourself care a little about the meaningless, small things, it will be easier.

Posted by: Lauren at October 12, 2005 08:35 PM

Yes, it gets better. It seems like it never will and then one day you wake up and realize that it is.

Posted by: Kat at October 13, 2005 11:44 AM

if I were closer I'd offer to bring over a bottle of wine/beer/etc and a whole lot of chocolate. It doesn't always help, but it certainly makes for a wonderful distraction and I feel a little bit like that's how I'm "supposed" to (thanks to chick-lit and Sex and the City) react. The truth is that there isn't a "way" to feel, but whatever is going on is normal, and it does pass. (feel free to ignore that though, as I hate it when people say "it'll get better!" becase at the time, it feels as though it will never change.)

add a virtual hug from me - I'm not that huggy a person but in situations like this I'm more then happy to lend a set of arms.

(if you've taken a mental health day I hope you're having a lovely, relaxing day...)

Posted by: Kristen at October 13, 2005 12:18 PM

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